It hurts, sometimes, having to hide this from people who mean more to me than my own family.

I rather recently had a few hopes dashed that a very dear friend of mine might at least understand, though thankfully I was able to avoid suspicion.

So, while I don’t want to have my hopes too high in future, I also wouldn’t want to miss getting to be… me, with people I could really trust.

So. Any ideas for how to better tell who could be “safe”, for trying to figure if someone near and dear might have the heart to know?

I understand if not. Doubt I’m the first to struggle here. But, hey, maybe there’s a discussion to be had, maybe someone will have some brilliant idea, maybe we can at least trade tales of times we were crushed by the sudden realization that someone who means the world to us would leave if they ever found out.

  • Burgerlurker@burggit.moe
    10·
    10 months ago

    Trust no-one. Even if you catch them dick-in-hand looking at lolis. People are fickle, and can turn on you for the stupidest things. And if they out you first, and you attempt to out them back it will just look like youre trying to go “no u” to save face and nobody will believe you.

  • Malt Marzipan@rqd2.net
    9·
    10 months ago

    Alternatively, if you do choose to trust, you should feel someone out considerably over a certain amount of time. See how they react to stories, people, their general attitude towards the sensitive subject matters. Just don’t bring it up out of the blue or say something that they might tip them off. It’s important to not force the issue or you may put yourself in a situation you can’t back out of. Someone who just “seems cool” may not be so cool. Feel people out, get a scent for their smell before considering them “safe”. @nep@rqd2.net is very intelligent and may be able to say more since she’s actively participated in normie communities and engaged them on such matters before. At the end of the day, just remember this community exists, and you can brood with us even if you’re surrounded by hostiles. We’re all struggling together.

    • Sasagoxian@rqd2.netOPEnglish
      8·
      9 months ago

      Honestly, I was far too afraid to tell her.

      Was, in a sense, feeling her out. And… I let myself get my hopes up a little, only for them to be dashed out.

      Guess you could say I came here so if I ever, by some miracle, came across a case that was actually worth getting my hopes up a little for, that I wouldn’t discard it out of hand.

      That I’d choose feeling out not over immediate trust but over immediate rejection.

      Part of me wants to hope that maybe someday there might be someone safe. That there’s someone who, when felt out long enough, might pass the checks.

      And I don’t want to hopelessly toss them in with all of the ones who’d want to turn my head into a fine pink mist.

    • Sofia@rqd2.net
      5·
      9 months ago

      Unfortunately I can’t give much advice about that, I’m extremely open about being an ally but that’s because:
      Being an ally carries a smaller risk to begin with.
      I don’t care about ostracization, if someone would cut me off for being an ally, I don’t want them near me to begin with, no exceptions.

      Honestly, if I were a MAP myself and in the US/UK I probably wouldn’t tell anyone offline (or that could find me offline) at all, but I don’t know about your situation. I know most people care about being ostracized far more than me, and that’s a big risk.

      (Also sorry for the delay, I don’t check this much)