OP you sound exactly like me at that age. I was diagnosed with kidney disease at 16 and got a transplant after one year of dialysis at age 27.

Things were amazing after that but now I’ve got terminal cancer at age 41.

Make the most of everything you’ve got while you still can.

Last time I felt helpless was a little less than a decade ago when I was in active heroin addiction. I knew I had a problem, I really wanted to quit, and I tried hard to quit… and I kept ignoring myself and using anyway.

I ended up finally succeeding in staying clean after like 5 or 6 relapses, with each clean period lasting longer than the previous. Now I’ve been clean for a little over 8 years.

I haven’t felt powerless or helpless since.

Here’s my advice. Put one foot in front of the other and walk forwards. Just take it a day at a time and worry about what’s immediately in front of you.

now

About 2 years ago I got diagnosed with a very bad case of osteoporosis. I’m 37 now and my bones are shockingly fragile. Saturday I moved to a new gaff, carrying a box upstairs, slightly bumping the box into my side on the banister. I felt how one of my ribs broke.

It is super annoying. Meds can’t really fix it though since other meds for another condition are likely causing the low bone density. I don’t know how many years this will take off my life expectancy or when I’ll have to start using crutches.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.

My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.

I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.

and all I have is a handwave and “its probably anxiety”. Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma’d its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.

As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I’m floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.

But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.

We’re all humans. In some way, shape, or form, we all feel helpless about one thing or another to an extent. People are poorly built for independence, especially if talking about in the form of single person homes, nuclear families, and jobs that involve a routine that’s set in stone. There is no such thing as complete soundness of mind, and parenting without the co-parenting help of the village is a huge balancing act. We are also often caught off-guard by the sheer complexity of some of the matters we face as well as those others face, with many moving parts we can piece together while others are perpetually in our blind spots. All those people you mention who go partying and drinking, although they may argue they’re living to the fullest in our crude world, take their perception of how experience works for granted. I’ve seen people whom everyone looks at with awe as the person soars to new heights before they are hit with a chronic medical condition, the one thing money can never protect you from. I myself have been reminded of my own unchangeable limits, having just the right set of circumstances that take my friends and family away from me, being pressured into resuming a past relative’s residence which moved me away from friends by a few hundred miles and invoked jealousy in my remaining family members. The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and tachycardia as a skinny teenager, and I’m healthier than I’ve been since childhood now, in my late 30s. You’re not automatically doomed!

I went thru 4 or 5 meds initially, and finally settled on a beta blocker, which i love because it has anti-anxiety effects. I was also on a second med for a long time, but my numbers are finally getting better as i get older.

I know it sounds lame, but yoga helps me so much. I haven’t had an easy life, I’m queer and sorta lived in my car here and there, but yoga helps me feel less out-of-control.

Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.

This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc

I’m in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I’ll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I’m staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward

My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don’t forget to drink water

Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it’s not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out

Searching hypertension… Wikipedia shows me this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_hypertension However its safest to rule out any other causes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_hypertension

I’m sorry you’re dealing with a mystery health condition, and especially so young. I’ve been through much the same. Eventually, gradually, you come to get used to how your body works now and health(/death) isn’t always at the forefront of your mind. Hobbies and distractions do help, even something as simple a reading, watching movies, listening to audiobooks, bird-watching, whatever works best for you.

I would also recommend that you measure your heart rate and blood pressure while lying down versus while standing up. This is how I found out that I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) – which is a long name that means, essentially, my body cannot properly regulate my heart rate, causing it to skyrocket when I’m not laying down. It’s not an uncommon condition, but it is one that most medical professionals will not think of to test for.