Hope this is okay to respond but as a father to an adult daughter I have thought about this a lot. Our daughter is married, empathetic, and simply a nice person (also a productive member of society) and I think some of that has to do with how I made a concerted effort to make sure my relationship with her mother (my wife) was healthy. I treated my wife how I wanted my daughter to be treated, with respect, dignity, love, kindness, humor. All of those ways we want to be treated ourselves.

It wasn’t all roses though for sure. Sometimes it was hard and we fought like normal couples do and all that but we worked to get on the other side of those times. I made (wife did too) an effort to not carry contempt toward one another for too long. Limit the smart ass comments. No name calling ever. Try not to let contempt be in the tone of our voicees when we were fighting. We had or developed over time some ground rules for our marriage that engendered respect even when we were pissed or hurt and stuff. I think ensuring our kids saw that people can be humble, admit wrong, apologize, and then move on trying to be better sinks in.

It seems perhaps corny and maybe weird but I stuck with it and she grew up to be a great person. Sure she’s got her flaws and her challenges but she is a really good person at heart, and has a great relationship with her husband and with us. She’s tender toward animals and and toward genuine people and, maybe most importantly, she doesn’t play the victim. It’s neat to see. I like to think some of that is because I worked hard to be a good father figure. But I the eve of mother’s day in the US it’s also important to admit that her mom played a critical role as well.

So congrats on being a father. Yes, it is a weird and magical bond between my daughter and I. I think what she was looking for in her committed relationships was rooted in how her mom and I communicated and how she witnessed our relationship as she grew up.

Don’t be afriad to involve her in your stuff, even if it’s boy stuff. My dad taught me how to fix cars, wilderness survival, how to shoot guns, how to fix stuff, it didn’t matter that I was a girl, if I was interested he’d show me. I didn’t care that this was boy stuff, I just liked that I was helping dad.

With the bonus payoff of me being a rather handy cabable adult too! Although he did his fair share of playing Barbie and tea party as well.

She might not like all of your hobbies (I never liked fishing) but give it a shot! Don’t be afraid just bc some stuck up parents would be agast she’s learning to change the oil in the car.

This thread already has so much great advice that it made me a bit teary eyed reading it. I don’t know if I can contribute much but I’ll try.

• 90% of parenting is just showing up. Your physical, mental, and emotional presents will mean far more to them than anything else. That’s what will make them feel valued and loved.
• Fuck gender norms. Regardless of if your child wants to learn to sew, fix engines, or both, embrace it, encourage them, and be there with them every step of the way.
• They don’t really have any perspective on things so small things to you are huge things to them. Don’t just dismiss their feelings.
• like everyone else said, listen to them. Like really listen every time.
• Don’t over think it. If you’re asking these questions, your head and heart are already in the right place. Trust yourself.

My dad is arguably not the best dad in many ways, but he taught me a solid work ethic, and most importantly, called 911 when I was attacked by my husband. The best thing a dad can do is teach his daughter how she should be treated by men.

For me, it means a lot when my dad can apologise and take accountability for his mistakes. Sometimes he can be very quick to judge, which can feel diminishing, but whenever he comes around and recognises his behaviour it always feels better. It shows me he’s had time to think and reflect on his own personality.

I guess it’s obvious that spending time and sharing hobbies is important. For example, my dad and I recently went to the cinema together to watch the new Planet of the Apes movie. We frequently send songs or posts of animals to each other. Small things like that are fun. It don’t need to be a full-on planned father/daughter day.

Hey, I have some simple advice, dad to dad. She’s going to start by copying everything you do, and you need to involve her, and make her feel involved, in those things so she learns them. Especially encourage that in doing the chores together and eating vegetables together.

As she gets older, the temptation to continue to guide her in directions you know will be fierce. But you need to help her explore things you don’t know, and tell her “I don’t know this, but what do you need to learn about it so I can help.”

From a woman who’s father failed in many ways: Be present, be willing to listen, and actually give a damn. My father wasn’t any of those things when I was growing up, he just sorta came and went as he pleased and if he cared, he sure didn’t show it. I went NC with him from my teens until my 30s, and we now have a semi-decent relationship, but man, I will be forever jealous of those “Daddy’s girl” women who adore and admire their fathers and their fathers love them so much everyone can tell.

Did his share of the housework. My dad didn’t know how to cook well, but you bet your butt he did laundry, vacuumed, dusted, washed dishes, whatever was needed around the house he did it. And he did cook at least once a week, although it was always stuff like grilled cheese or pancakes.

Growing up in a household where both parents put in equal effort at home really set up the expectation for me that this is how relationships work.

My dad was also very loving and openly affectionate to us all. He would give us hugs, tell us he loved us and how proud of us he is, even to the point of tearing up sometimes. I love that about him and see it as an admirable quality in men.

Girls learn what to expect from men based on what they see their fathers do. Be kind, gentle, and respect your daughter and that’s the kind of men she’ll surround herself with.

I apologize but this will be kind of dark. As a father I know you are going to be desperate to protect her, but don’t wax poetic about dealing violence to anyone who would do her wrong. For example, don’t talk about beating her current boyfriend/girlfriend if they cross her. Girls are going to have shitty relationships because that’s a part of growing up. Don’t make her think talking to you about them is the nuclear option when she’s still trying to figure out what is acceptable and her boundaries. If she thinks you’ll go beat the shit out of any one who looks at her funny, she might not come to you with her problems until she is willing to accept her dad going to prison for a long time. Everyone is right about listening to her, but make sure she that she knows that you can be trusted. Listen, accept her decisions, work with her, and not to fly off of the handle. Best of luck new father, since you’re asking the right questions I think you are going to be fine.

As a father, love your child, accept your child, and above all listen to your child.

I am a woman whose father was an abusive narcissist, the list of what I needed and didn’t get is depressing to say the least. So I’ll boil it down to its essence: Be there when needed. Remember she is her own person, not an extension of you. Try to make her life better than your own. Let your love be unconditional. It may not be helpful advice, but it’s all I got for ya.

So much nice advice here. I’m turning 30 this month and my dad and I continue to be very close. Top things I’m grateful for about my dad:

My dad is always lifting me up, but he did not and does not give me empty praise. He to this day gives me compliments about specific things he notices, which is amazing for my self esteem. Some examples: While I was cleaning the other day and kind of barking directions : “I love it when you get in the zone like this. It’s like you can accomplish anything” or “that’s something I have always been in awe of about you; you somehow know when people are down and figure out a way to lift them up. You’re very intuitive about it.” Or during a long day of hard work, " you’re like a machine! You’re incredible. Do you need anything?" Complimenting every little thing will just make her not trust your compliments. Being specific and accurate in your praise will help her feel truly good about herself and also strengthen your bond.

Idk what it’s like if it’s a step daughter and not a bio daughter but my dad would take me out. We never called it daddy daughter dates or anything (ew) but he would take me to dinner and a movie, or buy me flowers, or stop for coffee or ice cream at local shops. If we had to go somewhere for work or to pick up something for a home project he’d just stop at a bookstore and say this place looks cool, want to procrastinate a little in here with me? I know he loves to spend real time with me and he’s always opening me up to new places/hobbies

MOST IMPORTANTLY: my dad adores and dotes on my mom. There is nothing he won’t do for her. He will help her with the same problem a hundred times. He will make her coffee just the way she likes it every morning. He spoils her, he relies on her, he treats her like he is lucky to be around her, and that helps me to know exactly how I should be treated. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me, not partners, not coworkers, not friends or in-laws. I know what a healthy relationship looks like, and I know what a partnership of respect and love looks like. My parents argue in front of me, sure, but I never ever doubt how much they love each other.

Don’t drown their perspective out because you want to convince them of yours.

Ignore the vagina, treat that kid like the tiny human they are. Do the same things you would do if they had a penis, the world is sexist enough. And I’ll add a quote from the best of the Stars :

And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn’t mean I can’t handle whatever you can handle.

My dad was quick to judge things and people that were different than him, and that included not liking or accepting LGBT+ people. He would also regularly and half-jokingly threaten my siblings and me with violence if we did something he didn’t like; his favorite saying was “i’ll put your head through the wall”.

Needless to say that once I discovered my queerness, I knew I could never trust my father or tell him. He had conditioned me to be afraid of him. I came out to him at 19 and was kicked out of the house and he’s never spoken to me since. He also kicked out my older sister for dating a guy my dad didn’t approve of, but at least he still spoke to her after that.

Please don’t do things that would make your kids afraid of you. It messes kids up in a big way when they can’t trust their caregivers.