I mean yes, change is hard and takes time and happens in sometimes-unnoticeable ways, but come on — throw me a bone and let me have something immediate to help keep motivating me toward the long-term change. If it were as simple as “keep doing it every day”, don’t you think I’d be doing that already?
I recently learned about dysthymia - basically a form of long-term functioning depression. Idk why I’d never heard about it before, but it for sure resonates with my experience.
Apparently, we should be able to get ~50/50 external/internal validation. For example, most healthy people can apparently do chores or something and get an internal sense of accomplishment that supports the external validation that is having completed chores.
The problem is, for some folks (hi there) we can’t really put up the internal validation part. Like, I’d be expecting the completed chores to make me happy, but that’s just not how it works. I need to be active in validating myself and saying something like, “good job dude!”
That shit is hard - especially if it’s like the total opposite of what you heard growing up.
That shit is hard - especially if it’s like the total opposite of what you heard growing up.
Oof ouch owie right in the childhood.
Yelled at for not doing it right, backhanded compliments/browbeating/guilt trips when I did do it right, and a long chain of doing things right not mattering at all in the face of a single misstep that didn’t have to be some warning sign of an imminent monumental derailment but was always treated as such.
“So you want us to throw you a parade for doing what is expected of you?”
No. I want basic aknowledgement that I did it, with no strings attached. None of this “Wasn’t that easier? See how easy that was? Maybe next time you’ll just get it out of the way. Wow, it’d be so great if you did that all the time.”
I just want you to say “Thanks for taking care of that” like a normal family would.
Haha, oh, that is childhood trauma I’m remembering, ha! Isn’t that crazy.
This is why I’m never having kids. Took your comment for me to realize how obnoxious and condescending that was for my parents to treat me like that, God knows how many other awful mannerisms I’d repeat.
I need to be active in validating myself and saying something like, “good job dude!”
Huh that is interesting. My sister gave me the tip of literally patting myself on the shoulder after a hard day and saying “good job.”
I wonder if it’s something like this, because as silly as it feels, it actually does trigger a little something - I guess like this feeling of self-solidarity, is how I’d put it.
Basically. I think of it as allow yourself to get that dopamine hit, instead of doing what I do which is probably like think you should’ve done it already or see how easy that was, why didn’t you do it sooner. Fuck all that. Say good shit bro! Turned out sick
Then hopefully you can make it a habit/ritual and actually make it feel natural or even funish.
Very well put. I too have dysthymia. And unfortunately that “long-term functioning depression” can and does last for years on end. Not to mention that you can also suffer bouts of normal depression on top of the dysthymia depression. Double whammy, as it were.
But yes, I’m pretty sure (at least for me) the only way that I seem to be able to produce dopamine involves food; the junkier the better, but healthy food is not the same. It’s probably the sugar that does it. I’ve noticed the longer I go without eating sugary foods, the worse my moods get.
There is nothing simple about “keep doing it every day”. There are so many reasons not to and it’s up to you and you alone to find the reason or the will to “keep doing it every day.”
In my experience, waiting for the carrot on the stick is much more likely to result in the whip
I completely agree with what you mean, but I would argue it is actually quite simple just not easy. People often talk about the two like they’re the same but it’s important to remember that at times simple things can be quite hard and complicated things may still be easy.
From a far enough view point anything can be “simple”. Anyone who has ever had to design, build, or program something for a client can tell you that what is “simple” in concept can be very complex to execute.
Life happens to everyone and finding ways to fit in “doing the thing every day” can become a very complex problem.
Fair enough, like most matters of language I suppose it’s ultimately subjective and comes down to differences in personal interpretations. Specific context and perspectives will always have the potential change things but by and large I stand by my point in general application.
I mean yes, change is hard and takes time and happens in sometimes-unnoticeable ways, but come on — throw me a bone and let me have something immediate to help keep motivating me toward the long-term change. If it were as simple as “keep doing it every day”, don’t you think I’d be doing that already?
I recently learned about dysthymia - basically a form of long-term functioning depression. Idk why I’d never heard about it before, but it for sure resonates with my experience.
Apparently, we should be able to get ~50/50 external/internal validation. For example, most healthy people can apparently do chores or something and get an internal sense of accomplishment that supports the external validation that is having completed chores.
The problem is, for some folks (hi there) we can’t really put up the internal validation part. Like, I’d be expecting the completed chores to make me happy, but that’s just not how it works. I need to be active in validating myself and saying something like, “good job dude!”
That shit is hard - especially if it’s like the total opposite of what you heard growing up.
Relevant video
Oof ouch owie right in the childhood.
Yelled at for not doing it right, backhanded compliments/browbeating/guilt trips when I did do it right, and a long chain of doing things right not mattering at all in the face of a single misstep that didn’t have to be some warning sign of an imminent monumental derailment but was always treated as such.
“So you want us to throw you a parade for doing what is expected of you?”
No. I want basic aknowledgement that I did it, with no strings attached. None of this “Wasn’t that easier? See how easy that was? Maybe next time you’ll just get it out of the way. Wow, it’d be so great if you did that all the time.”
I just want you to say “Thanks for taking care of that” like a normal family would.
Haha, oh, that is childhood trauma I’m remembering, ha! Isn’t that crazy.
This is why I’m never having kids. Took your comment for me to realize how obnoxious and condescending that was for my parents to treat me like that, God knows how many other awful mannerisms I’d repeat.
Huh that is interesting. My sister gave me the tip of literally patting myself on the shoulder after a hard day and saying “good job.”
I wonder if it’s something like this, because as silly as it feels, it actually does trigger a little something - I guess like this feeling of self-solidarity, is how I’d put it.
Basically. I think of it as allow yourself to get that dopamine hit, instead of doing what I do which is probably like think you should’ve done it already or see how easy that was, why didn’t you do it sooner. Fuck all that. Say good shit bro! Turned out sick
Then hopefully you can make it a habit/ritual and actually make it feel natural or even funish.
Not there yet at all myself
Very well put. I too have dysthymia. And unfortunately that “long-term functioning depression” can and does last for years on end. Not to mention that you can also suffer bouts of normal depression on top of the dysthymia depression. Double whammy, as it were.
But yes, I’m pretty sure (at least for me) the only way that I seem to be able to produce dopamine involves food; the junkier the better, but healthy food is not the same. It’s probably the sugar that does it. I’ve noticed the longer I go without eating sugary foods, the worse my moods get.
That video explains it very well. Thank you.
wh
what the fuck
Here’s a few recipes to dramatically change your life with new habits that are easy to implement. It works!
*life changes not guaranteed to be desirable
There is nothing simple about “keep doing it every day”. There are so many reasons not to and it’s up to you and you alone to find the reason or the will to “keep doing it every day.”
In my experience, waiting for the carrot on the stick is much more likely to result in the whip
I completely agree with what you mean, but I would argue it is actually quite simple just not easy. People often talk about the two like they’re the same but it’s important to remember that at times simple things can be quite hard and complicated things may still be easy.
From a far enough view point anything can be “simple”. Anyone who has ever had to design, build, or program something for a client can tell you that what is “simple” in concept can be very complex to execute.
Life happens to everyone and finding ways to fit in “doing the thing every day” can become a very complex problem.
Fair enough, like most matters of language I suppose it’s ultimately subjective and comes down to differences in personal interpretations. Specific context and perspectives will always have the potential change things but by and large I stand by my point in general application.