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I think it’s a good idea for partners to have their own dedicated space that they can decorate for themselves and keep their hobbies in. It helps keep the rest of the house tidy and allows for a little bit of a personal safe haven. Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great, but I think that there is a way it can be approached non-toxically
Fuck that, I’m doing my soldering in the kitchen because that’s where the best light is
“IF I’M BREATHING LEAD WE ALL ARE!”
Bro needs some 4000K 90 CRI 20W/m strips
This is so true, heck I’ve even ‘baked’ some custom PCB boards in the oven to do some cheap reflow… Every man belongs in the kitchen, that’s where all the big boy tools are
Back in the old analog days, the recording studio I managed kept around a toaster oven, because old tapes can get sticky because the binder has gotten soft and that’s how you harden it again.
Please use a cheap toaster oven or a griddle that you dedicate for soldering, you don’t want any of that crap near your food.
And where the snacks are too!
People REALLY underestimate the value of lighting. My wife likes it dim on the main floor. I am constantly reminding her that we evolved in caves for 100k years and finally have fucking light and she’s squandering the advantage.
We evolved in caves, so our eyes aren’t meant for bright light.
Only minor /s, I am sensitive to light and wish more people would be ok with darkness, especially at night. You don’t need flood lights constantly on blinding every square millimeter of your yard. Night vision is a thing and it doesn’t require goggles.
Same, fuck porch lights and street lights. Just let it be dark damn it.
Get out of here, you cave-dwelling heathen!
Modern bright lighting is great for daytime but one of the worst things we can do to ourselves in the evening or night. We absolutely did not evolve to be exposed to bright (particularly blue/white) light after the sun starts setting.
The best thing I did for my circadian rhythm was eliminate light in the bedroom and set up my lights to slowly shift to soft amber and dim in the evening. The trick is having it transition slowly so your eyes adjust and you don’t notice it.
2nded. The lighting should be comparable to daylight, it helps your eyes focus better.
You can even get lux meter apps for your phone.
Same! My 15k lumen, 6500 Kelvin lamp is honestly one of my favorite things. My office is brightly lit regardless of the world outside. My wife hates it and demands I use soft white, 75w equivalent lights everywhere else.
I can live with the lights that imitiate candles, but I go to MY space if I need to see something clearly.
Lighting can be purchased.
But the stove hood also has an exhaust fan built in, and a range for a nice hot toxic solder pot to keep boiling
It’s almost like the kitchen was built for electronics
That can also be purchased!
Explain HOW!
Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
This guy gets it
Please don’t melt heavy metals in food prep areas.
But that sweet, sweet flavor…
Also you get a free fume extractor.
Get an architect’s lamp
I’d hope that nobody would disagree with this.
The toxic aspect isn’t from wanting space apart from your spouse, it’s in sending signals (even ironically or in jest) that the family you are a part of is something you hate, that your family is cramping your individuality, and that you want to escape from them.
Everyone needs their own time and space. Just because you married another human doesn’t make you any less of an individual, and having healthy opportunity for time apart is essential.
Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great
It’s not the “traditional concept”, it’s the juiced up consumerist fantasy. The traditional man-cave is literally just the garage or the basement, where you keep your power tools.
What if I’m not qualified to glue two pieces of cardboard together? Where is my hideout?
Dungeons and dragons was developed in a man cave.
Also, 1 of the guys’ wives thought he was cheating on her. She followed him to a house and thought to catch him in the act, when he went into the basement. Instead, she burst in on him and his friends playtesting D&D in their basement mancave.
If we’re going by this logic, I would say that the personal computer was invented in a “man cave”.
Though I guess those kids weren’t married yet (right? probably?)
In that case, you have a few options:
- The home office/battle station where you can pipe the output from one bash command into another bash command, or set up your media server or just play video games.
- The kitchen where you can knead and bake sourdough, roll your own pasta, braise a hearty stew, or roast a leg of lamb.
- The backyard where you can smoke a brisket, bake a pizza, host a wine tasting.
- The garden or lawn where you can cultivate plants, grow something to eat, design a beautiful landscape, or restore a native sanctuary for migratory insects like the monarch butterfly or birds like a hummingbird or songbirds.
- The gym where you can get ripped, build up your personal stats, and let off some steam through physical activity.
- The closet or bedroom where you can plan out your fashion choices and wardrobe, iron your clothes, shine your shoes, and otherwise make stylish choices.
- Some sort of room or garage where you can jam out with musical instruments.
Also basement.
Online
Fuck. You might be on to something
When I first heard the word “man cave” it seemed to mean rec room/rumpus room as marketed by Spike TV. A finished basement, bonus room above the garage etc. often furnished with such things as a pool table, dart board, leather couch, big screen TV for watching The Game, wet bar, etc. From there it transitioned to mean any space that is considered “his” in the home, which might only be the parts of the garage that aren’t full of rubbermaid bins full of shit they own but never use.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
Wine and nice sayings isn’t a hobby. A sports team you don’t participate in at all isn’t a hobby. Drinking isn’t a hobby.
Maybe not your hobbies (or mine), but these are all examples of an activity that someone does for pleasure when they are not working.
I’m going to start telling people I’m not an alcoholic, drinking is just a hobby of mine
That’s basically what “I’m a social drinker” means, so you can just say that.
Sign saying “Just one glass a day” picturing a giant wine glass the size of a goldfish bowl.
Hilarious.
Also, “live, laugh, love” but it’s aspirational, not what ever actually happens.
“survive, nervous chuckle, obsess”
Internalize, endure, avoid.
Casual alcoholism goes hand in hand with the wife bad/husband bad boomer humor. Tbh we call it boomer humor but most people I’ve heard it from were much younger.
It may be because the boomers are the last generation to consider it funny
They need good role models like their parents who take them to a local brewery and shove an iPad in their face then ignore them while the parents drink craft beer.
Parenting (and childhood) is intense and unrelenting. You can’t expect parents to be on stage continuously and continue to be patient and kind. You also can’t expect a 7 year old to be happy listening to their parents talk about work for 45 minutes. Taking breaks or responsibly drinking a beer is perfectly fine and isn’t going to negatively impact the child any more than allowing them to watch some age appropriate media for the time before they eat.
I expect parents to have a certain degree of knowledge about the things they give their children. Study after study has shown that unfettered access to smart devices has a negative effect on a child’s psychological development (who knew the secret advertising/manipulation machine would be bad for a child’s brain?! Only anyone with a working brain of their own!) It’s literally better to just plop your kid in front of a traditional television.
totally agree that parents need a break and a good drink. hell it is exhausting. but please avoid just putting them Infront of a screen. get the grandparents to look after them, let them sleep over at a friend’s house, organise a nanny. as a society we are already too often starring at screens.
Thats not a critique of parenting its a critique of screens. Which isnt exactly settled. For example my wife and I work in tech, all of our toys are technology of some kind. Its hypocritical of us to tell our kids they shouldnt be on these things. Responsible use has nothing to do with the technology itself, and varies widely from family to family and location to location.
Don’t hate. Parents are people too and that’s their time. Kid time is the other 22 hours that day.
Eh, you don’t need to do that. You have about 2-3 good every night
Well good for you that you have no chores to do ever. How blessed you must be. What else should us dumb parents do better to manage our times so we can be as amazing as you?
Well, its that or they might end up with a family who holds freakish anti-social views like “Love is Love” and “Let kids play dress up, they’re not hurting anyone”.
:(
My wife really wanted a kid. I love my wife.
I gave her no illusions though. This world is fucked. This is either the beginning of another dark(enforced ignorance) age or the end of human civilization entirely. The kid is beyond fucked.
I have more of a “welcome to the shit show, kid” mindset. I can’t protect him from this exploitative hellscape, any more than I could protect myself. Oh and please spare me the cliche “well you need to man up and find a way to give them an awesome life,” as reality isn’t a Disney movie.
I can show him the stuff I like and ways to protect himself a little, but man his generation’s future is bleak.
My husband wants kids, I’m okay without for the same reasons as you and a big disgust of pregnancy. I have a lot of experience with kids in my career and we love kids, but it just seems the kindest thing to do for them is to not bring them into this world. We’re planning on fostering once we’re in a better financial position and hopefully adopting from there. I’d rather grow our family with a kid or toddler that already got the shit luck of being here.
Holy shit the negativity between these two posts is disgusting. This world is far from perfect but it’s not a dystopian hell scape and it’s far from a lost cause.
Hop offline, touch grass, talk to your neighbors. Be the change you want to see in the world and all that instead of being the world’s biggest wet blankets.
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Yeah I’m shocked they literally said the best thing we could do for kids is not allow them a chance at life.
How closed minded they must be, to think everyone shares the exact same despair they do, as well as the inability or lack of creativity needed to envision a better future and a path that takes us there.
If thats the perspective they will teach their children, I really hope they prove their parents wrong.
While I believe the end of the world is still a few generations away, judging someone for their decision to not have kids makes you seem like a pro-natalist conservative.
The world sucks for more than half of the entirety of its population. Only privileged Westerners believe there aren’t any existential problems on the horizon.
Aside from global warming the world as a whole has been steadily improving. I think you are confusing the USA with the rest of the world. Empires collapse, it happens, that doesn’t mean the whole world is on fire.
I wonder what romans would have done to the barbarians if they had nukes.
barbarians
I’m sure that type of language helps.
The barbarians weren’t any different than the romans. Same thing as Americans calling groups terrorists so we can kill them.
The Romans would have nuked themselves first with how many times they overthrew themselves.
Aside from global warming
I get what you are saying. But that improvement has been possible only because of global warming. Today we have more energy (=workforce) at our hands than ever before. This has imported things, but it’s living on bored time Global warming will start to deteriate our world in multiple ways, I fact it is doing so right now.
A collapse of this system build on sand is a very real possibility. And it is a very real possibility that it will take less than a generation to happen.
The only thing collapsing is nations that value money more than anything. They don’t fit into the current world, and certainly not in the future.
If you are so tied to the notion that your worth is based on your wealth, I’m sure you would feel despair.
We’re going to have problems if you are attacking caves, who doesn’t desire a cave?
Robin. He’s fucking sick of caves. Do you know what bat guano smells like?
If it means paying less rent, I’d seriously consider cavelife.
Rent is more because the climate control is free
Me desire cave.
Children yearn for the mines
our ancestors spent tens of millions of years burrowing. its in our instincts. its why you want a headboard behind your bed.
its why you want a headboard behind your bed.
I don’t understand… possibly because I’ve skipped the headboard for many, many years of my life. Could you please explain?
As a man who really loves teaching children and helping them solve their own problems, handing them a world full of problems is right up my alley
So is porn good or bad?
Hmm let’s see. Showing porn to children. Good or bad…hmm. Nobody knows!
All I can say is I recently got into a thing specifically for the porn, and it ended up being a super emotional and not really all that pornographic story which fucked me all up and I haven’t been able to jerk off since.
Porn wouldn’t have done that.
Edit: Adastra for those asking. I just thought it was just a yiff-filled dating sim when I started it.
Profile picture checks out
Cyberpunk Edgerunners?
Katawa Shoujo?
🥹
Mounted to the wall is not great
My TV is mounted to my wall.
Good.
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How about wine?
Bad. Try alcohol in drinks with good flavor.
Depends
Reminds me of Jonathan Coulton’s song “Shopvac”
My wife and I reference it at least once a week since we moved into suburbia.
I prefer the more literal definition of heteronormal in that there are differing states of what should be expected.
Guess his definition of healthy varies from mine.
It was sarcasm.
Isn’t Kibblesmith the guy with the terrible New Warriors reboot that never read the original comic because the black guy with guns (Night Thrasher) scared him?
You mean with the queer superhero twins who are called Snowflake and Safe Space?
Drag thinks a story about queer superheroes reclaiming slurs could be great if well executed, but the Marvel Comics audience aren’t the kind of people you shound expect to appreciate subtle art.
garage lined with pornography
Uh what? Yeah I don’t believe anyone is arguing that’s healthy.
You’re supposed to detect the sarcasm when they say a thing that’s very clearly wrong(adjusting to the perspective they’re coming from).
I personally see absolutely nothing wrong or bad about sex, depictions of it, and strong desires, but I’m aware of the norm and how they’re speaking of it.
insulation is a highly practical end state for nudie pages.
It’s how a cartoon gender studies major would pronounce “pin-up poster.”
some jokes just aint funny
