**I am NOT OOP, OOP is** u/PsychFactor, **Originally posted to r/offmychest** [BoRU #1: Part...
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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-07 05:00:08+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/PsychFactor, Originally posted to r/offmychest

BoRU #1: Part 1 / BoRU #1: Part 2 / BoRU #2

[New Update]: I think my husband fathered his best friend’s children, and now one of them is attracted to my daughter.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, destruction of property, deception, emotional abuse and manipulation, incest, mentions of sexual assault, death of a parent

Editor’s Note: I am starting this continuing BoRU with TL;DRs to make things easier to fit everything in one post instead of multiple parts. Feel free to go back to the original BoRUs, Part 1 and 2, for the full text of all prior posts Part #1 & Part 2

Removed older relevant comments for more spaces in here to add the new update

RECAP & TL;DRs, for Original, Updates #1 - #4, and Brief Update:

Original Post: September 2, 2024

OOP (42F) is married to Luke, 43. His best friend is Amy, also 43. OOP and Luke met in college while he has known Amy since they were 7. They are best friends, “surrogate siblings”, and do everything together. OOP and Luke have a great life together and see Amy frequently. OOP thought of finding a man for Amy so she could have a family, but no luck. OOP lists her (and Luke’s) children along with Amy’s children for easier reading.

OOP and Luke’s children: Sophie, (15) Owen, (12) Louise, (10) and Carter (6)

Amy’s children: Tom, (17) Kaylee, (14) and twins, Adam and Jenna, (9)

Amy was not in a committed relationship and occasionally dating, found herself pregnant without knowing the fathers of her children. She was unconcerned about raising them alone, OOP and Luke supported her financially and emotionally. There is the close friendship between Luke and Amy, OOP begun to suspect Luke may be the father of at least one, if not all, of Amy’s children, given the lack of other significant relationships in Amy’s life. Having doubts, OOP struggles with the idea of Luke being unfaithful, because they have strong family bond with all children growing up together. After OOP and Luke’s youngest child’s birth, they decided Luke should have a vasectomy, since then, Amy didn’t get pregnant again, making OOP questioning the timing of these events.

Luke regularly visits Amy and her children, taking on a fatherly role, which seemed suspicious. OOP noticed similarities in appearances between Luke and Amy’s children, such as shared allergies and physical traits, leading her to question the possibility of Luke being the biological father. OOP acknowledges their backgrounds differ, Amy’s children appear biracial, which caused further doubts about their paternity. OOP kept suspicions about Luke and Amy’s relationship to herself, fearing her concerns would make her the “bad guy” and harm their families. OOP reflects Amy’s unsureness toward motherhood, suggesting Luke’s involvement with her children may not stem from the desire to help her have kids.

OOP keeps her guards up regarding her daughter Sophie, who attracted the attention of Tom, Amy’s eldest. Sophie declined Tom’s invitation to date, out of respect due to parental boundaries. OOP’s refusal to allow the relationship led to a conflict, as Sophie didn’t understand why. With OOP’s concerns, Amy and Luke supported her position, though Luke expressed worry that forbidding romance might intensify Sophie’s interest. Overtime, it showed Tom was increasingly drawn to Sophie, spending more time together, leaving OOP feeling protective and powerless to prevent the romance. Sophie claims they are just friends, Tom is being affectionate, raising suspicions regarding secret dating. OOP feels helpless with the possible relationship between Sophie and Tom, who might or might not be her half-brother due to Luke and Amy’s affair. OOP grapples with emotional turmoil of possibly exposing the truth about the children’s paternity, that could shatter family dynamics and hurt innocent parties.

 

Update #1: September 5, 2024

OOP decided to confront Luke and Amy regarding the suspicions she had about their close bonding and possible affair. Luke and Amy gave OOP well-rehearsed responses as she expected. Amy was upset about the accusations against her. Luke was more understanding and respected OOP’s feelings about her suspicions. Betrayal is going all around for all three. OOP asked Luke for the paternity tests which upset him but he agreed to it to give her the peace of mind on the children’s identities. Amy didn’t want to do the DNA test, she got so mad at OOP for the accusations and told OOP she won’t get her children’s DNA samples. Luke has continued with his claims that nothing has happened between him and Amy all of those years.

Tom is old enough to consent on his DNA sample, but if he and Amy refuse to take DNA tests, OOP might ask Luke to check with Tom’s younger siblings. Luke doesn’t want to take Amy to the court for this to happen. Here is where OOP is worried, OOP was hoping Luke could talk with Tom to prevent him from pursuing a relationship with Sophie. Luke is hoping OOP could reconcile with Amy, but she doesn’t think so. FIL and MIL (Luke’s parents, Jim and Cat) learn about OOP’s fears regarding Luke and Amy. Turned out Cat had same suspicions that OOP had. Jim is denying the fact on Luke and Amy having an affair, maintaining Luke and Amy are best friends and “siblings”. Cat has wondered if Amy’s children were fathered by Luke.

 

Update #2: September 6, 2024

OOP decided it was time to talk with Sophie away from the rest of families because Sophie is old enough to acknowledge her father’s possible affair with Amy. Once Sophie heard what OOP told her about Luke and Amy, she asked her mother if they could ask Tom to join them. OOP fills Tom on what she told Sophie. Turned out Tom and Sophie also had the same suspicions OOP did on their parents! Both Sophie and Tom explained to OOP what they knew so far and how they hatched a little plan of having a fake relationship to see if they could get solid evidence against Luke and Amy. OOP was relieved to learn the truth behind Tom and Sophie’s “relationship” and now has them in her corner. After their lengthy conversations, Tom has volunteered his DNA sample so OOP can see if Luke is his father or not.

 

Update #3: September 8, 2024

DNA results are not back yet on if Tom and Sophie are siblings or not, but it will be a while. OOP has been talking with both Sophie and Tom, so OOP could gather all evidence that she needs for her lawyers to take a look regarding the divorce proceedings OOP is looking into taking. OOP clarifies several possibilities regarding Amy’s children’s paternity. OOP does not believe Jim was having an affair with Amy. OOP’s house is in her name, not Luke so she has the legal documents and could have Luke move out by then.

With Tom and Sophie’s fake relationship plan in the play, OOP wasn’t able to find anything from Luke’s devices. From comments, OOP was able to dig deeper and located deleted messages between Luke and Amy, talking about OOP being the problem. OOP immediately knew it was an affair behind her back. Letters, videos, and pictures were found too. That sent OOP into a plan, packing Luke’s stuff and kicked him out of the house after presenting the divorce papers to him. Luke realized he got caught and begged to work things out with OOP, but she wasn’t having it. OOP’s children now know their father has to be away for a few days, only Sophie knew about the affair. Jim and Cat are now troubled with Luke’s version on why he was showing up at their doorstep after OOP kicked him out. Cat knew the truth and Jim wasn’t sure what to believe now. Amy has gone radio silence after OOP’s conflict with her and Luke.

 

Update #4: September 12, 2024 (6 days later)

OOP has been working with her lawyer, Paige, regarding the divorce papers and evidence she has on Luke and the affair. OOP happened to snapped her family lawyer, Zach, who represented Luke and OOP on an unrelated case. She has also taken a few steps ahead of Luke to get things squared away with proper documentation and primary custody of her kids with supervised visits for Luke. After the whole thing has blown up, OOP has been in therapy and working on getting her kids therapy too to cope with what happened and moving forward in the healthy ways. OOP has working on doing the age-appropriate talks with her children regarding the divorce with their father.

DNA results are in! Sophie and Tom are not siblings! For any doubts, the tests did not show Jim fathered Amy’s children because it would require a percentage of Jim’s DNA to show up. OOP, Tom, and Sophie are now confused too on the result…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1gliulo/new_update_i_think_my_husband_fathered_his_best/

  • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
    1·
    6 days ago

    DNA results are in! Sophie and Tom are not siblings! For any doubts, the tests did not show Jim fathered Amy’s children because it would require a percentage of Jim’s DNA to show up. OOP, Tom, and Sophie are now confused too on the results. Now the question is who is Tom’s father? And did he father Amy’s younger children too? Amy and Luke are now angry at OOP as they have suspected OOP took evidence from Luke’s devices. Amy has refused to apologize to OOP for the possible affair. Verbal abuse was going on between OOP and Amy because Amy believes OOP is going after Luke for everything including her children’s paternity. Amy wasn’t going to admit she and Luke were having an affair. Amy damaged OOP’s laptop and assaulted OOP which led her to have a police report filed against Amy. OOP is wondering about the motives Amy has against her.

    Brief Update: September. 18, 2024 (six days later)

    Luke now has lawyered up. OOP was advised from everyone else to have Amy arrested, but she knew she had to send her video evidence to her lawyers first to see if it is warranted enough for an arrest. OOP had to keep the update briefly because there were some events taking places which forced OOP to put things on hold. Jim, Luke’s father, has passed away from a heart attack. Both families were together at the funeral. OOP didn’t want to be stressed out with the affair, so she put it aside for her kids’ sakes as they cope with their grandpa’s passing. OOP and Luke did not speak of Amy around their children to allow them grieve properly without any extra stress. OOP mentioned about Cat and the test results, turned out Cat has betrayed OOP’s trust because she didn’t sent in her son’s DNA samples. It is likely Tom could still be Luke’s. Cat had to come clean to OOP because she was feeling guilty for her grandchildren.

    OOP’s lawyers finished looking into evidence she gathered on Like and Amy. They found something that OOP didn’t know about. OOP has realized that it was something that had Amy panicking and damaging her laptop. With the discoveries, OOP opted not to expand what they were because it’s not appropriate for the audience to know about, even an anonymous internet post. OOP is not sure if she will be able to forgive Luke and Amy at this time. But with what was going on between Luke and Amy, it has tore OOP apart.

    Update V: September 28, 2024 (10 days later)

    Hey everyone. This may very well be my last update for a while. I’m in therapy now, as are my children. (And, from what I hear, Amy’s children are as well, so that’s good.) So I should probably be focusing on healthier ways to expel my feelings. Nonetheless, I have talked to my therapist about these posts and according to her, venting anonymously online can be healthy, up to a point. If I do talk about my life again, I may do it in different sub-reddits or something, I’m still not sure.

    I have also met with the Judge now. Many were worried about how these posts might come back to bite me in the ass, legally speaking. The short answer is that they won’t. The long answer is that because they’re anonymous, there’s technically no risk of defamation or “slander.” I’ve changed enough of the meaningless details and given everyone fake names. The posts aren’t going to be relevant in the case, and I’m clear to keep writing them if I so choose, so long as I don’t discuss the details of the actual case itself. Though I think the Judge would prefer I just stop writing these altogether, one of the reasons I may do so.

    Without divulging the specifics, I went ahead and reported what I had learned, and all hell broke loose. I knew I had to do so, because Amy and Luke had changed gears after Jim passed. They began to make the case that Luke and I had always had an open marriage. That there could be no such thing as an affair, and any instances of Luke sleeping with Amy could not be counted against him. It is no accident that they chose to do this after we lost Jim. As far as I can tell, he was the only other person who knew about what Luke and Amy did, and would have done something about it. Now that they don’t have to worry about that, I think they wanted to claim I always knew about the affair and that it was no true affair. When I didn’t report them, they must have assumed I didn’t know the truth, and they changed their story. But I knew. I reported it, and now they’re fucked.

    Which unfortunately means everyone else found out. There was no way the children wouldn’t learn the truth through the grapevine. I told Sophie and Tom personally because I figured they would learn of it anyway. The others did. Tom was pretty shell shocked. I know I’m just the messenger, but I felt terrible and I wanted to comfort him, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do. Poor Kaylee did not handle it well. I’m told she had several meltdowns, and then tried to run away. I know she tried to run away because she came to our house for sanctuary. And literally, I had to give her back. I knew all the reasons I had to but I was sorely tempted to give the middle finger to all of them and let Kaylee stay with us against Amy’s wishes. But no, I had to relinquish her and honestly…nothing has been harder than that was. I know it isn’t my fault but I still feel like I betrayed her.

    Sophie’s also been dealing with a lot of anger toward her father, especially after he and Amy forced Kaylee to come back to stay with Amy again. All of this… It hit Sophie and Kaylee the hardest. Luke wanted to see Sophie again and she refused. She wouldn’t come out of her room. Technically, I was supposed to let him see her, but she’s fifteen years old. I told her to come out of her room, she wouldn’t. So in my book, I tried. This was after Kaylee’s incident so when Luke pressed me to force Sophie out of her room, I’m not proud to say I shouted at him to leave. My blood was boiling by that point. Throughout all this, my soon to be ex husband and his affair partner are still acting like I’m the bad guy.

    Luke and Amy are angry with me, and that’s putting it lightly. They have no right to be but they are, or at least they’re acting angry. I now have a restraining order against Amy because I was quite certain she would confront me after the fact, and she did. After I reported them, and before Kaylee came over, Amy came to the house while my kids were home, banged on the door and screamed. She was furious with me for what I had done. But I don’t know what she expected me to do. I called the police, but Amy was gone by the time they showed up. They were just as useless as last time, to be honest. When Kaylee came to me for asylum, Amy came after her, but I wouldn’t let her in until she called the cops herself. I would only let one of them take Kaylee, Amy was not setting foot in my house. I was very clear to explain the situation but it didn’t matter.

    • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
      1·
      6 days ago

      Amy later smeared me on social media and framed me as a kidnapper. I set the record straight without divulging too much about the circumstances of the situation, which I was tempted to do. Luke also gave me the lecture of a lifetime when I saw him, but I just kept cutting him off and spitting the facts in his face. I don’t know if it’s been my time away from him, but I’m learning to recognize his bullshit now where previously I fell for it every time. He always sounds so reasonable and sweet but what he’s actually saying is often circular and evasive. Honestly, I am so angry with him for what he’s done to his children, ALL of them. Kaylee especially. I want to adopt that girl. I know I can’t, but I want to.

      Cat and I had a long talk as well. So far as I can tell, she didn’t know, and she’s genuinely sorry for her earlier deception. Trust takes time to rebuild, but I also understand that she was in an awful position. But now that certain things have come to light, she’s kind of in shambles herself, so I pity her. Not to mention, if Amy loses custody of her children, and she very well might, I’ll need all the help I can get. I can’t take all of them in, I don’t have the space. Cat will need to do some of the leg work. So I’m trying to give her the chance to earn my trust back, sort of out of necessity. I can’t speak to the long term but if all goes as it should, Luke’s not even going to be getting visitation of my kids. We’ll know soon enough though, and it will be on record, if Amy’s children were fathered by him. All I know is, they’ve always been quite certain Kaylee was, though they never had her tested. So far as I can tell, Amy hasn’t really been intimate with anyone other than Luke for a long time. For the record, Cat is still supporting Amy financially, and by that I mean, she’s supporting Amy’s kids. I don’t mind that. If Amy loses custody, that all goes away anyway.

      As to the how and why of Luke and Amy getting together? From the letters, I’ve put the pieces together as best I could. Amy was sexually abused as a child and Luke was apparently the only person she felt “safe” exploring her sexuality with when they were in high school. It was a very bad idea and they both knew the reason it was a very bad idea well before they made that choice. As to the lie about them being “surrogate siblings,” apparently they always DID have that kind of relationship emotionally…but they also did this. After Tom was born (they also believe Tom to be theirs, going off the letters) the bond took on more romantic aspects as well. Amy describes Luke as “my person” and he says the same about her. I did read the letters in more depth for as much as it sickened me, I wanted to understand.

      I’m doing better overall, though. Personally, I’m doing better. Which makes me feel kind of guilty because nobody else is. My kids are miserable, which makes me miserable, but I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel and I want them to see it. Luke and Amy are miserable, which, honestly…I’m not gonna say I’m glad about, but, I don’t know what they were expecting. They’ve been playing a monstrous game for decades, it was always going to have consequences sooner or later. Amy’s kids are miserable, especially Kaylee. I wish I could reach out to her again, but I absolutely can’t except through Tom, and he needs to play this carefully. Cat is miserable too. We’re all still reeling from the loss of Jim, and honestly the Kaylee incident really tore my heart in half…but I think I’m over the hump and am taking comfort in how I’m actually choosing myself for a change.

      Additional Information from OOP, clarifying some details that were asked repeatedly

      OOP: It’s…not about the cheating. Luke and Amy committed a particular crime, that would raise alarms about whether the children are safe with them, and that’s what I reported. Amy might lose her kids for this reason. This also has to do with the DNA tests. Due to the nature of the crime, they will be mandated.

      I did see the Judge, at the same time as Luke and our lawyers, and asked him if these posts were okay. What is so hard to understand about that? Getting a lot of comments where people say “judge’s don’t give legal advice” but they do make judgments? It’s right there in the name, and that’s exactly what happened.

      I explicitly said I cannot take in all the kids in if Amy loses them. But Luke certainly won’t be able to, he’s no less on the hook than she is. Cat will most likely be granted custody, but I will continue to assist and provide somewhere to stay. Cat won’t mind, and I’m a lot more than their Dad’s ex-wife. I’m the mother of their half-siblings who they’ve seen nearly every day for their whole lives. That’s not nothing.

      • Spacehooks@reddthat.comMEnglish
        1·
        6 days ago

        ----NEW UPDATE---- UPDATE: I think my husband fathered his best friend’s children. (One month later.): October 31, 2024 (1.5 months later)

        Happy Halloween everyone.

        It’s been a while. Things have continued to spiral. Had a number of comments and private messages wanting to check in, which I appreciate. While I obviously still can’t talk about much, I’ve shown this post to my legal counsel before uploading it and had it approved as safe.

        So, the headline here, which I already discussed in the comments, is that Luke and Amy talked about themselves as half-siblings in the letters I found on Luke’s laptop. The timeline is still a bit unclear to me, but Jim had an affair with one of his (college age) students and she got pregnant. Years later, her daughter became friends with Jim’s son. Amy was abused in her parents’ house and everyone in Luke’s family wanted to get her out, which they eventually did. At that point, Jim told Luke and Amy the truth. It wasn’t until a couple years later that they began to sleep together.

        As far as recent updates, Kaylee has spent some time in a psychiatric ward. Tom discovered that she had done something very reckless. Social Services have also seen fit to remove her from Luke and Amy’s care, so she is currently staying with Cat. Amy hated that and I’m told she raged for some time at the idea that I would poison Kaylee against her and that in her anger, she made some choice threats. I have been advised not to reach out myself, but Kaylee has all my information and I did send her a message promising her that she could always come to me about anything. I think that’s more than alright. If she initiates, I will not turn her away.

        My troubles are not over, and they got worse after the test results came back. Everyone was tested. I finally know the truth now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Luke is the biological father to all four of Amy’s children. After years of wondering, confirmation feels strangely hollow. It changes almost nothing at this point but it is proof that he was unfaithful to me. Luke is still maintaining that it was an open relationship. I had thought to use incest charges against him and Amy, but that plan hit a roadblock. The two of them had mandated testing as well, and at least according to the results, Luke and Amy are NOT siblings. I don’t understand it either. Perhaps Jim was wrong all this time? Either way, I still have proof that they believed it to be true, but they are now insisting that was just a kind of role-play for them.

        Luke also threw a curve ball at me by demanding we test my children as well. I honestly hated him for that. They’ve been through enough as it is. But he is claiming that I also participated in the “open relationship” and that the paternity of our children will prove it. In particular, he was adamant that Sophie be tested. I couldn’t figure out why. But I think Luke must know something I do not, because the test results for Sophie came back negative. They said that Luke is not her father. Then Luke began to claim that he had tested Sophie years ago to be sure. I was certain he was lying, that he had somehow sabotaged the test, but he did submit a DNA test from about ten years ago and it likewise maintains that Luke is not Sophie’s father.

        Before anyone asks, no, I never had an affair of my own. I never cheated on Luke. I had no idea how this had happened and I could not make sense of it. I requested another test and that has yet to arrive, but with two tests already, I’m bewildered and frightened. I don’t know how this is possible. Since I was never unfaithful to Luke, I can only assume that something was done without my consent. I have never been sexually assaulted as far as I am aware. But there were a few nights, back when I used to get drunk with Amy, that someone could have possibly drugged me. What scares me is that Luke tested Sophie years ago. I feel like he knows more about this than he is letting on. I’ve discussed this with my therapist and my lawyer, I’ve tried to get to the bottom of it, but I just don’t know.

        I have been upfront about everything with Sophie. I believe Luke is trying to make her doubt me, to drive a wedge between us. I’ve promised her that I never had an affair, that these results are impossible. I don’t think she believes me, completely. But I also don’t get the sense that she’s angry with me or that she feels betrayed. I think she would honestly preger it were true at this point, that Luke was not her birth father. The rest of my kids don’t know about this part yet, but they probably will soon. Gossip is spreading like wildfire among Amy’s kids and my own. I’ve never been the sort of parent to read my kids’ texts, so I’m not sure about specifics. But I’m not going to address this with them unless Sophie gives me her blessing. She was the only one who’s results came back negative, the rest of the kids are proven to be Luke’s.

        Cat is not speaking to either of her children, but that’s not to say she’s giving them the silent treatment. Technically, they’re not allowed any contact with Kaylee right now. So keeping distance isn’t really optional. But Cat is furious with them both, now that she’s seen the state Kaylee is in. She’s likely going to explode at them when she next has the chance.

        I wish I could describe a happy ending for our family but the trouble is far from over. I’m actually somewhat traumatized by the idea that I might have been assaulted and never known it until now, and if that is indeed the case, I’m not looking forward to the conversation where Sophie finds out about that and about her origins. Anyway, I don’t know when I’ll next update but I am taking the kids to a haunted house tonight, so that should be fun.

        Relevant Comments

        OOP on testing DNA against herself on Sophie’s DNA after finding out Luke isn’t Sophie’s father

        OOP: I don’t think a mishap is possible because I kept Sophie with me after she was born, she didn’t go into a Nursery. But to be sure, I could do this as well.

        Any chances that Sophie’s DNA might be mixed up with someone else’s? or if OOP isn’t the biological mother.

        OOP: Anything’s possible but I don’t see how. She was never really out of my sight. (I was a first time mom and very protective, I relaxed more with later pregnancies.)

        I have heard of chimeras. I don’t think that’s the situation we’re dealing with, but I can look into that as well.

        I’m worried about testing Sophie’s DNA against mine. I’m still going to, but if the test says she isn’t mine, what if the state takes her away?

        OOP on likely to be drugged when she got pregnant with Sophie

        OOP: There were a few nights around that time period where I got pretty drunk, yes.

        Commenter 1: If he only insisted he be tested against Sophie and not against your other children, he must know something you don’t. Given that I’m willing to take you at your word and that you haven’t been unfaithful, that opens a massive can of worms that I’m genuinely afraid to describe in detail. I hope you get answers, OP and that Luke is held accountable.

        OOP: He wanted all our children tested but he was particularly insistent on Sophie.

        OOP explains about Sophie’s features against herself and Luke

        OOP Sophie appears to be Asian, yes. She does look more like me than Luke, but she’s not my spitting image or anything. Still, she looks enough like me that I find it hard to believe she isn’t my blood.

        DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP