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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/magdalenmaybe on 2023-10-07 21:11:32.

Attemping to date again after husband (from whom I (F59) was amicably separated & was successfully co-parenting) died in May of last year. Did the apps, found someone I really like and who reciprocates. Early dating stages, couple of dinners, text, phone, etc., our click was audible. Feeling things I haven’t felt in years, and I like it. A lot.

So we’re on the phone, discussing things, and he wants to be honest & get something out onto the table. Rambles on & on about our connection and how much he likes me, cut from the same cloth, BUT …

He can’t get past my crooked teeth. Over the years they’ve moved & I’ve lost a few molars to bruxism (teeth grinding in my sleep; a stress thing). One of my front bottom teeth has moved back, slightly behind the others. He finds this off-putting. Not quite a deal breaker (what?) but close.

After 4 yrs of braces as a teenager, life had gotten in the way, raising kids, venting my stress on my teeth. There was always something more important that needed to be done than the dentist, and I was frankly a little dental phobic after all those years of old school orthodontia.

It’s one of the things I’m most self-conscious about. But he still loves my personality. Yeah, thanks.

I thanked him for being honest, said I understood why he was bringing it up (ostensibly because he wants to move forward). Everyone has their pet peeves - chewing too loudly, farting at the dinner table, etc.

He didn’t know that I have an appt with the oral surgeon in two weeks, and after pulling another shell of a molar out, my dentist and I have a plan to get my mouth healthy again. Admittedly, I have little chewing surface left and it’s begun to affect my g.i. health too. And I’ll probably do a round of Invisalign for the snaggle tooth. It’ll take a year and then some, I’m sure. So I’m getting the damn things fixed, but not because of him. Doing it for me. Told him so.

Now I need to decide whether to just crumble, walk away and find someone who doesn’t care (and with whom I probably won’t be as compatible), or to say “Fuck you - I am what I am, and if you can’t walk into this with me because of a tooth, well then, see ya.”

I’m leaning towards the latter. I’m a grown-ass woman. Life has thrown considerably heavier shit at me than this and I’ve survived every time. I’m an absolute pro at keeping my chin up, backwards and in heels.

But I’m hurt. My feelings are actually hurt. And I need a little sisterly reality check to process this. Because right now I’m very much WTF. Thanks ❤️