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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 12th, 2023

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  • Ok, took a while, but I finally got a chance to read this fully.

    My main critique is that this piece feels like a series events rather than a whole - the unsatisfying let down could’ve hit harder if there was more build up - e.g a notification when you wake up that you need to buy something, etc.

    My other critique is pacing, which is still decent, but slightly…off. I’m not sure if that was what you’re going for, but with a quick re-write, I reckon you could really push the piece up a tier.

    Overall, you’ve just described most of my mornings ;P