Sorry, I think I misread a part of your post. My mind knee jerk subbed in a similar argument I hear a lot. I will be honest that much of your essay went over my head, but I think that unregulated capitalism is a bigger enemy than other users who are seen as doing something wrong with their personal choices. I think it’s good to encourage imperfect or incomplete adoption of positive things over all or nothing approaches. But i don’t know what xmpp is, so I could be off base here in what you’re actually talking about. Apologies

I think it’s also relevant that when I was growing up, people regularly changed between public and private depending on life circumstances, friend groups, etc. It was billed as a way to switch between people seeing your posts or not, NOT as a way to revoke or grant Facebook or any other entity any specific permission. It served a social function, and at a time when AI did not exist. They changed the meaning of that on us years after the fact and I have not seen any article address that. No teenager in 2011 was thinking of the private/public setting as consent for ai use, and none of these articles talk about pictures that were set to private after being public for a while. It’s bad faith

I really disagree with the idea that a person using any software which costs money or is corporate controlled is ‘opposition’ to free software or other movements against capitalism in tech.

Strongly agree. The failure to address these things for what they are just normalizes them.

Thanks. This is helpful

This is sage advice.

I am thinking of things like comments that were cruel, competitiveness, contempt, or people who are asking questions and acting interested but who are really trying to bait me into conflict or have an ulterior motive. I am better at it than I used to be but it’s hard for me to respond to it when it does happen.

Sometimes I interpret people too charitably or I just don’t realize until the next day how I felt or what they really meant. Other times I notice but I don’t know how to translate my internal misgivings into words that change or end the situation. Being angry or direct often backfires. Usually these are people who are acting as if we are friends but in a disrespectful way. It just really catches me off guard still, for some reason.

Boundaries have helped a lot, but my sense of self trust wavers a lot for ptsd reasons and this is probably what assholes are zeroing in on. I just keep running into it perenially. The body language thing is something i need to work on.

Edited because typos.

Thanks. I definitely do tend to make a lot of mistakes judging this.

Thank you

Thanks. Any good effective ways to exit situations that you have found work for you? I find when I start to feel uncomfortable it’s harder for me decide what to do or say specifically.

Thank you. I should add that I am referring to manipulative people specifically. I can tell someone is being an asshole if they’re not hiding it, but I do struggle when people pretend that they’re being friendly or neutral or while also being terrible under the surface, if that makes sense. In retrospect it was usually obvious to other people, but I don’t see the bad faith element beneath the friendly behavior it until it escalates.

Hopefully the next places will be more durable. It is still SAD and damaging when vibrant communities get destroyed though. I am more lamenting that.

People haven’t adjusted yet to the reality that online social ecosystems matter, they affect so much in the real world. Decimating multiple online spaces in such a short time has consequences and i hate that a handful of random guys with no stake in any of it except money get to make decisions like that.

This sure is a take.

You have articulated exactly how I feel whenever I see that word in a headline haha.

Kids going to school cannot reasonably be expected to have the knowledge, forethought, or ability to protect themselves from privacy violations. They lack the rights, info and social power to meaningfully do anything about this. That’s why it’s exploitative and harmful. Edit: that’s also to say nothing of the chilling effect this is going to have on kids who DO need to talk about something but now feel they have to hide it, or feel ashamed of it. Shit is bad news all around.

This was a great read. These dynamics are so prevalent.

Definitely for me the specific choice they made here does make me see in in a cynical light. I don’t know these people and mayybe there could have been some nuanced or respectful ways to keep the band going in some sense, I really don’t know, but this sure as shit doesn’t seem like that. Like damn, this really is how every single group of people acts when someone is a survivor, or when someone else is a rapist, huh? Just wow. Every single group of people, complete self interest and disregard. I can’t think about it in any other light. Similar kinds of situations have played out over and over again lately and I am so disheartened. I’m bracing myself for some awful comment to come out next. The whole thing is just queasy the more i learn about it.

This sucks.

Uhhhhhhhh yikes.