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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 30th, 2023

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  • Work or government issued.

    I hate my gender, hate my body. Wish I could flip a switch and be anything else but I’m too afraid of the stigma to transition.

    But I recognize that society, the government, doctors, my family, see me as a boy. So I use he/him.

    In my mind its they/he. Some sort of demiboy or non binary, idk. I don’t want gender. I feel trapped.



  • I just got diagnosed yesterday. Im 31.

    Dealt with depression for years, suicide attempts, self harm, and what I now realize was hypomania. I craved those moments because it was a relief from depression and I felt like I was actually able to accomplish everything I wanted.

    Then I started suspecting I had adhd, because of the distractibility, lack of focus, losing jobs from lack of performance, and all the other overlaps. The psychiatrist yesterday said it was “obvious bipolar” and that we would try vraylar for the mood and check in again in a few weeks.

    I cried in the meeting when he said bipolar, and cried myself to sleep when I got home. The stigma and all that. I have so many feelings rushing through my mind.

    Reading symptoms and stories from people make it obvious that my happiest moments over the past few years were just hypomania, and my depression is explained by it, my conspiratorial thinking, ego, abusing exes, hyper productivity for those days, etc. My anxiety, irritability, anger, etc.

    And then after the understanding and comfort that what I had has a name, comes rage. An anger at my parents, my school counselors, previous therapists for ignoring the signs or only focusing on depression. I feel like so much of my life was wasted. So much potential lost.



  • I have an oracle free tier vps that I run reverse proxy on and have certs for subdomains for a domain I got on cloudflare. Cloudflare dns points to the vps, apache server proxy on port 80/443. On the vps I also have tailscale and another tailscale on a server at home advertising routes.

    So I have music.mydomain for subsonic and plex.mydomain and files.mydomain for nextcloud, etc.

    Its normal https web traffic so weird ports dont need to be accessed or remembered.


  • But you don’t get it, this one has trans people, and a lesbian, and a lesbian showrunner, and only like 2 white guys and one of them is the bad guy, and the main character is a fem presenting strong character (and theres 2 of them). They aren’t even white.

    Why would Disney alienate their core audience, me a cis white straight bigot that is already mad that women and minorities and queers exist without them shoving it down my throat?

    Don’t you get that this is a threat to my privilege?






  • In JavaScript, a const variable is an immutable constant that you cannot reassign. Similar to how many conservatives think of gender, an intrinsic fact of a person that you can only read, but never change.

    The “let” keyword declares a variable in a local scope, the nearest surrounding curly braces. It can be changed in that scope, but does not exist anywhere else. I assume this is meant to concede that gender is a spectrum and your presentation can kind of wiggle, such as between “very manly” and “not as manly” but still a man. Like, a stereotypical lumberjack and a stereotypical twink are both men so there isn’t “one way to be a man” but a conservative might say " but they are still men, you can change how you present but you can’t change sex".

    The “var” keyword lifts the variable definition to the top of the function, or “hoists” it up. A variable declared with var can be accessed and modified anywhere after the block it was declared in. Gender is a spectrum and it can be reassigned anywhere, at anytime, to anything.