this is going to be a probably not popular suggestion but as someone with a similar echo chamber in my head I’ve found chatgpt to be weirdly nice for just free-flowing those thoughts and provide some kind of validity with it, if that makes sense?

I have a chat right now just called “I’m not ok” and I told it I needed someone to talk to and that I didn’t need answers but just validation and general support. Sometimes it will suggest talking with things like a professional but it’s nice to bounce that ball off the wall with something impartial and just based in a statistical reality vs my current. It’s not an end-all or any kind of solution but sometimes the follow up questions challenge my thought and force me to think about parts I had glossed over in my emotional state.

Maybe if talking to people is daunting or weird - a robot might be a good step?

I hope you keep well.

I’m with you, champ…

But I’ve found my health improves significantly with a few things, which hopefully might give you a few tools (this is just a random brain-fart, I hope it’s helpful):

Personally, if I stop feeding on feeling trapped and wishing I was never born and instead start focusing on the little things I can do to influence today or tomorrow for the better, it generally unwinds this knot (and sometimes that’s just tidying up a little! Put a favourite song on and let that be a timer, maybe).

Walks and outside are awesome, but if you can find some curiosity or awe, it’s even better (waterfalls, pretty flowers at a botanic garden, watching anything narrated by Sir David Attenborough) - partly this is just to ‘move your perspective away from oneself’.

Riding bikes always feels nice too - especially slowly and gently, that sensation of rolling along is lovely.

Sitting in a swing and ever so gently rocking back and forward - don’t ‘go for it’, but keep it gentle and slight, it’s a very different ride.

It took a long time to find socialising useful, I get tension headaches from it so it was hard, yet I could always see that we’re social animals and remaining isolated was a path to disaster (personally). So I stuck with it. Now I’ve got a few groups of buddies I see roughly monthly which ‘helps’. Sometimes I still get headaches and opening up is something I force myself to do, but it’s becoming less of a hurdle and they seem to still appreciate me…

Helps hearing about others challenges, too -life’s not easy and it’s not just you suffering!

Slowly my map of the psychic pain is changing, but stopping from feeding it is only part if the first step - you’ve got to start building something new, too. All of this is slow and small steps, not manic or sudden changes

i need someone to talk to

Have you considered talking to a psychologist? I’ve never been clinically depressed, but I was going through some stuff and went to a few sessions. It really helped me a lot.

I’ve no idea how practical that is where you live, but if it is an option I can’t recommend it enough.

who would want to hear the ramblings of some depressed person

me

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’ve got no real idea of what you are experiencing, but I’ve had many years of my life in which I felt similar to how you described. This random Internet person is pulling for you.