Rolling coal is one of those idiotic expressions of personal freedom things so beloved by the wingnut peanut gallery and we've got quite enough of that already.
Being found guilty of knowingly modifying a vehicle, or knowingly operating a modified vehicle, and performing the act of “rolling coal” should result in loss of driving license in all states for no less than 10 years.
Not that my proposed “Rolling Coal Proves You Have a Tiny Innie Penis and By the Way, Your Truck Nuts Means Your Truck is Actually Trans Act” would be passed any time soon. Or ever, certainly not at the rate the House is fucking up.
But DOJ going after the supply of parts for modifying diesel engines is something, at least!
Better. The offending vehicle should be seized and donated to Pacific Northwest commune flannel hippies who will run it on vegetable oil and never, ever wash it.
They will delete any emissions equipment because its excessively complicated and a pain to work on and then run it on vegetable oil which is even less efficient and will continue to pollute the environment by driving on worse economy and higher emissions.
Fair. While I’d defend the name as being targeted at only the offenders’ insecurities, which also includes the truck-nuts-trans quip, I understand how it could cause a larger negative cultural impact to a group or groups that is/are already unduly disparaged.
Additional group studies will be performed and suggestions are welcome.
Perhaps the “Coal Rollers Are Pissants, Fundamentally Undeserving Cars/trucKs Act”
It has a certain je ne sais quois, I think, but needs more work.
Rolling coal is just dumb. You can make more power and pollute less than factory with the parts available today. Rolling coal is just wasting fuel and showing everyone you’re a douchebag.
Vehicle modifications are, imo, a form of self-expression and should be protected by free speech as long as they don’t compromise the safety of the vehicle or cause it to spew more greenhouses gases than necessary; however, modifying your car in a way that intentionally makes it unsafe or increases pollution is fucking awful.
To put it another way, modifying your engine timings and shoving a turbo in there should be legal even though it will probably increase emissions because the intent is to increase power. Modifying your car to increase emissions just because you can is an asshole move.
I know this opens a loophole regarding intent as people could potentially argue that “rolling coal” somehow increases horsepower (or create a mod that increases horsepower while also dumping shittons of unburnt diesel into the air). However, you could also argue that you don’t need to “roll coal” to increase your truck’s power, and that the modification needlessly increased emissions.
Tbh I kinda think ICE vehicles are going to become the “vinyl records” of Gen Z, alpha, and whatever comes after. Electric cars will be the norm and will be used to get people from A to B, but ICE and hybrids will be something enthusiasts have; and tbh, I’d be willing to bet that in a world where ICE and hybrids are mainly in the hands of hobbists and enthusiasts, the emissions released would be negligible.
To put it another way, modifying your engine timings and shoving a turbo in there should be legal even though it will probably increase emissions because the intent is to increase power. Modifying your car to increase emissions just because you can is an asshole move.
While people in the car community hate CA’s CARB certs, they exist for a reason. If you can prove that your performance parts don’t increase the emissions, CARB has no issue giving the mfg. a certificate that says it’s legal to sell and use in California.
It’s not hard to make big power in a gas or diesel vehicle and not substantially increase emissions. Hell, Gale Banks has been doing diesel performance for decades and he loathes rolling coal.
I’m not entirely sure how to take my more-than-slightly-cheeky response being interpreted so seriously, but I’m happy it’s fostering true thought and discussion on the subject.
My dryer-than-Mojave humor has its moments, at least.
My real take on this would be such that the case of modifications for rolling coal is a widely known “zero gain” modification that accomplishes nothing other than allowing for the forementioned act, and yes, absolutely the off-the-cuff verbage would be changed to ‘modifying for the intent of enabling coal rolling…’ or whatever works linguistically to narrow the scope just to this act.
I did genuinely try to word it in such a manner that someone accidentally doing it with a modified vehicle wouldn’t be at risk of losing their license, but yep, naturally that allows an interpretation of any modification being at odds with the “law” and it’s clear I don’t actually write legislation for a living.
In the grand scheme of things, of course there are totally far, FAR more emissions from otherwise acceptable vehicles than the few that do this, but I’d like to think a majority of sound-minded people see the act as so mind-bendingly douchey, that it deserves to be a crime (and I truly do, for one).
Too harsh even for these idiots. You can’t function without a car in America. It would leave to poverty through job loss which isn’t the goal. We already have penalties this: you can’t get a successful inspection with an illegally modified car. Then you can’t get registered, can’t get insurance, it’s illegal to drive, etc. That’s functionally the same thing but now they have to pay, potentially fines too, to get their car fixed or receive recurring tickets that would eventually lead to dissolution of driver’s license. And if law enforcement sees an illegally modified car, they can issue tickets and require another inspection.
The point is that if you do that, you’re screwing them over in a way that has a much greater impact that initially observed. If your point is to lead directly to destitution as a punishment for rolling coal, then just say that. Push for incredibly high fines instead, that’s not veiled.
If you don’t want them to drive that car then you could impound the car. Which is itself a fine in the tens of thousands. Unreasonable for most people.
No, the lack of walkable zoning and infrastructure for other transportation methods is screwing them over. The court has nothing to do with it.
And again, I’m an enthusiastic supporter of taking people’s license away for lots of things, not just rolling coal. In fact, I think the driver’s test ought to be difficult enough that a decent fraction of people shouldn’t even be capable of passing it to begin with.
Being found guilty of knowingly modifying a vehicle, or knowingly operating a modified vehicle, and performing the act of “rolling coal” should result in loss of driving license in all states for no less than 10 years.
Not that my proposed “Rolling Coal Proves You Have a Tiny Innie Penis and By the Way, Your Truck Nuts Means Your Truck is Actually Trans Act” would be passed any time soon. Or ever, certainly not at the rate the House is fucking up.
But DOJ going after the supply of parts for modifying diesel engines is something, at least!
Loss of driving license and vehicle will be seized and scrapped. Maybe the metal can be used for an electric car.
Better. The offending vehicle should be seized and donated to Pacific Northwest commune flannel hippies who will run it on vegetable oil and never, ever wash it.
They will delete any emissions equipment because its excessively complicated and a pain to work on and then run it on vegetable oil which is even less efficient and will continue to pollute the environment by driving on worse economy and higher emissions.
But keep going.
Vegetable oil is grown, not drilled/pumped. It’s carbon-neutral, and doesn’t add anything that’s not already in the system.
That’s all depends on how you grow it, though.
So is ethenol.
Burning these as fuels is still a problem. Otherwise we would all be running biofuels.
Nice creative writing assignment. Well done!
Thanks. I actually know about this stuff as opposed to lots of people 'round these parts, obviously.
I like it!
Adding it to my proposal.
The Stop Motorists Ostentatious Loosening of Particulate Pollutants, or SMOLPP, Act
Mostly agree except for the small penis bashing. We need to end small-dick hatred.
Fair. While I’d defend the name as being targeted at only the offenders’ insecurities, which also includes the truck-nuts-trans quip, I understand how it could cause a larger negative cultural impact to a group or groups that is/are already unduly disparaged.
Additional group studies will be performed and suggestions are welcome.
Perhaps the “Coal Rollers Are Pissants, Fundamentally Undeserving Cars/trucKs Act”
It has a certain je ne sais quois, I think, but needs more work.
Rolling coal is just dumb. You can make more power and pollute less than factory with the parts available today. Rolling coal is just wasting fuel and showing everyone you’re a douchebag.
You don’t understand. If they shit themselves and stand next to you you have to smell it. They will happily shit themselves just so you can smell it.
As long as there’s an “and” in there, I agree.
Vehicle modifications are, imo, a form of self-expression and should be protected by free speech as long as they don’t compromise the safety of the vehicle or cause it to spew more greenhouses gases than necessary; however, modifying your car in a way that intentionally makes it unsafe or increases pollution is fucking awful.
To put it another way, modifying your engine timings and shoving a turbo in there should be legal even though it will probably increase emissions because the intent is to increase power. Modifying your car to increase emissions just because you can is an asshole move.
I know this opens a loophole regarding intent as people could potentially argue that “rolling coal” somehow increases horsepower (or create a mod that increases horsepower while also dumping shittons of unburnt diesel into the air). However, you could also argue that you don’t need to “roll coal” to increase your truck’s power, and that the modification needlessly increased emissions.
Tbh I kinda think ICE vehicles are going to become the “vinyl records” of Gen Z, alpha, and whatever comes after. Electric cars will be the norm and will be used to get people from A to B, but ICE and hybrids will be something enthusiasts have; and tbh, I’d be willing to bet that in a world where ICE and hybrids are mainly in the hands of hobbists and enthusiasts, the emissions released would be negligible.
While people in the car community hate CA’s CARB certs, they exist for a reason. If you can prove that your performance parts don’t increase the emissions, CARB has no issue giving the mfg. a certificate that says it’s legal to sell and use in California.
It’s not hard to make big power in a gas or diesel vehicle and not substantially increase emissions. Hell, Gale Banks has been doing diesel performance for decades and he loathes rolling coal.
I’m not entirely sure how to take my more-than-slightly-cheeky response being interpreted so seriously, but I’m happy it’s fostering true thought and discussion on the subject.
My dryer-than-Mojave humor has its moments, at least.
My real take on this would be such that the case of modifications for rolling coal is a widely known “zero gain” modification that accomplishes nothing other than allowing for the forementioned act, and yes, absolutely the off-the-cuff verbage would be changed to ‘modifying for the intent of enabling coal rolling…’ or whatever works linguistically to narrow the scope just to this act.
I did genuinely try to word it in such a manner that someone accidentally doing it with a modified vehicle wouldn’t be at risk of losing their license, but yep, naturally that allows an interpretation of any modification being at odds with the “law” and it’s clear I don’t actually write legislation for a living.
In the grand scheme of things, of course there are totally far, FAR more emissions from otherwise acceptable vehicles than the few that do this, but I’d like to think a majority of sound-minded people see the act as so mind-bendingly douchey, that it deserves to be a crime (and I truly do, for one).
Eh, people should be able to modify their cars for fun and education. It’s a really piece of shit thing to do that has no performance benefit though…
Too harsh even for these idiots. You can’t function without a car in America. It would leave to poverty through job loss which isn’t the goal. We already have penalties this: you can’t get a successful inspection with an illegally modified car. Then you can’t get registered, can’t get insurance, it’s illegal to drive, etc. That’s functionally the same thing but now they have to pay, potentially fines too, to get their car fixed or receive recurring tickets that would eventually lead to dissolution of driver’s license. And if law enforcement sees an illegally modified car, they can issue tickets and require another inspection.
That’s exactly why we should take peoples’ licenses away more often: maybe then they’d give a shit about changing that!
The point is that if you do that, you’re screwing them over in a way that has a much greater impact that initially observed. If your point is to lead directly to destitution as a punishment for rolling coal, then just say that. Push for incredibly high fines instead, that’s not veiled.
If you don’t want them to drive that car then you could impound the car. Which is itself a fine in the tens of thousands. Unreasonable for most people.
No, the lack of walkable zoning and infrastructure for other transportation methods is screwing them over. The court has nothing to do with it.
And again, I’m an enthusiastic supporter of taking people’s license away for lots of things, not just rolling coal. In fact, I think the driver’s test ought to be difficult enough that a decent fraction of people shouldn’t even be capable of passing it to begin with.